Entitlements: Let’s Get Real

Here are some basic entitlements that will hinder our growth1:

- I have the right to say “no” to God.
- I grow best when everything I want is in order, if those things are absent, I cannot grow.
- I have the right to express my feelings, especially if I determine I have been wrongly treated or inadequately rewarded.
- I have the right to use my time in whatever way I choose.

Here are some basic entitlements that will stunt or eliminate our growth1:

- I have the right to choose who I will talk to.
- I have the right to be critical.
- I need to have a position that is very visible.
- When it comes to discipline, I choose when to reward myself.
- I will do it as soon as other conditions are met.

Don’t be fooled if you look at this list and think, “That’s not me.” We all have some form of entitlement at some level the Lord would love to rid us of. If we think we’re free from entitlements, then we’re fooling ourselves. Oftentimes entitlements are rooted deep within our thought processing and actions. We might not even realize they’re there until we search out for them!

Don’t be afraid to look into your own life and ask God to search your heart—and be completely open to what He will reveal! It’s not shameful to have sin revealed, and then be able to confess the sin. It’s actually very freeing and allows God more access into our lives. Just think of it this way, when sin is revealed and confessed we get a greater portion of God! Now, why wouldn’t we want that?

1 You can find more about entitlements in the Freedom Resource Manual published by Revalesio.

The Cost of Following Christ – Part 2

Entitlements are a deadly force to the Christian life. They halt growth, hinder the kingdom of God, and are self-focused about what I want or need. When you strip away all the excuses, reasons, and self that form entitlements what you find is actually rebellion. We are in a sanctifying process growing up to be like Christ. God uses life and circumstances to bring that about. The Lord brings situations into our lives that will test our strength, perseverance, faith, and obedience.

When we allow entitlements to enter that sanctifying process we hinder the work of the Lord in us. We hinder our growth. In essence, we stop pursuing God and working for his kingdom work and turn in the other direction. I once had a pastor say that if you’re not working for God, then you’re working for the enemy. I don’t think any of us want to align ourselves with Satan, however when we allow him to speak lies of entitlements in our lives and then we embrace those entitlements and walk in them we are doing nothing but aligning our self with Satan. If we don’t want to be promoting the wrong kingdom, we must resolve to rid ourselves of those hindrances.

The functioning base of entitlements is that we put limits on what God can ask of us. I think we’d all agree that it is fundamentally wrong for us to tell the Lord what He can or can’t ask of us. What if Abraham had told God it would have been too much to leave his home? What if Esther said, “It’s too risky. I could die”? What if Ruth had stayed in Moab? What if Moses had said, “I can’t go back there?” What if Hosea refused to take back Gomer again and again? What if Joseph said, “But she’s already pregnant?” What if Paul said, “But people will call me a hypocrite?” Aren’t we glad to have a legacy of obedient saints to look to? Each one gave up their own control, fear, and desires to follow the Lord and do what he asked. Don’t forget, each of them was also blessed! Giving up our entitlements does not mean that our lives will be horrible or God will constantly ask things that seem overwhelmingly difficult for us to do.

Look at Moses, God told him to raise up his arms (or was it his staff) over the Red Sea so the people could cross. He could have said, “God this is a ridiculous idea! You want me to hold up my arms so that all the Israelites can pass? How long will that take? Don’t you know we’re being chased down by the Egyptians?” Moses knew God. He knew God, because he had been obedience to God. He trusted God. He wasn’t afraid of the task the Lord might ask of him, he knew that if God asked and he obeyed then it would be good. God had built in him faith and trust through Moses’ previous experiences. But if Moses had held onto his own ways (entitlements), then the outcome would have been drastically different. The same is for us. God will ask us to do things or give up certain things that we feel will be uncomfortable, hard, or even impossible, but they are not. If we follow in obedience and give up our entitlements we will be blessed, and more importantly we will be growing the kingdom and bringing glory to God! Amen.

In the next few days, I'll be adding some more practical application of what entitlements look like and how to pursue ridding them from our lives. Remember, that entitlements aren't just a hindrance to God's work, but they also hinder the freedom and joy that God designed us to live in. Trust God, pursue freedom.

Galatians 5:1, NIV

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.

Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves

be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Jane Austen prays...

I finally got around to reading some of the "Prayers" in Sandition the last few days. I wanted to leave a few lines that I found particularly encouraging.

"Thou art every where present, from thee no secret can be hid. May hte knowledge of this, teach us to fix our thoughts on thee, with reverence and devotion that we pray not in vain."

"Teach us to understand the sinfulness of our own hearts."

"Give us a thankful sense of the blessings in which we live. "

"Above all other blessings oh! God, for ourselves and our fellow-creatures, we implore thee to quicken our sense of thy mercy in the redemption of the world."

Twenty Minutes a Day

In college I was an English major. Growing up I was the kid who was put to bed reading, then when mom came to turn off the light I'd get the flashlight out. When mom came to get the flashlight I'd go sit by the window and read from the light of the moon. I love reading, but it seems over the last year I really haven't read that much. I always felt like I didn't have enough time to read or I wanted to read too many books and just couldn't do it. Over the summer I was encouraged back into reading with a reading plan from the girltalk ladies. It's really quite simple: start with only twenty minutes a day.

My first reaction was that wasn't enough time to actually finish a book any time soon. But look at the "statistics" of a 20-minute a day reading habit as told by John Piper,
“One of the most helpful discoveries I have made is how much can be read in disciplined blocks of twenty minutes a day. Suppose that you read slowly, say about 250 words a minute (as I do). This means that in twenty minutes you can read about five thousand words. An average book has about four hundred words to a page. So you could read about twelve-and-a-half pages in twenty minutes. Suppose you discipline yourself to read a certain author or topic twenty minutes a day, six days a week, for a year. That would be 312 times 12.5 pages for a total of 3,900 pages. Assume that an average book is 250 pages long. This means you could read fifteen books like that in one year.”

Fifteen books in a year! That's more books than I can think of wanting to read right now. Although, I'm sure if I thought about it long enough I'd find fifteen books to read. Carving out twenty minutes in my day is much more manageable (and relaxing) than being frustrated by having so many books I want to read, but no time. So, over the summer my fiancee and I began reading twenty minutes a day, but after a while we waned. Finally, this week I started to get back into my twenty minutes routine. It's been really good and refreshing.

Which leads me to where I am today. I was reading Biblical Womanhood blog, and was looking at the list of books for her fall reading challenge and was inspired to make my own list.

So far I'm in the midst of beginning (and finishing)

In Pursuit of His Glory by Gerry Fry
Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leight De Moss
The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning
Let the Nations Be Glad! by John Piper
Sandition and other Stories by Jane Austen
The Magican's Nephew by C. S. Lewis
Miracles by C. S. Lewis

Hopefully, I'll carve some time out later to say a thing or two about each of these. What's on your reading list this fall? Leave a comment and let me know. Happy Reading!

The Cost of Following Christ

Since I've been dealing with entitlements lately, I started studying the topic and since I process things better when I regurgitate it. So, here it is...

There is a cost in following Christ. He calls us to leave everything behind in pursuit of following him in our obedience. Through our life we pick up bad habits, ideas, and lies from the world that there are certain things we have earned or deserved. But, truly, we deserve nothing. We were born into sin, corrupted and enemies of God. We were saved from death and the judgment of God. There’s no way around it, we deserve death apart from Christ. Through the mercies of the Lord, we were saved. A way has been made for our reconciliation to God through Christ. The only catch is that to pursue Christ we must give up anything and everything we possess and attain. We must abandon ourselves to His will, so that he may freely work in our lives for His kingdom’s glory. The cost seems insignificant compared to the pit of hell, and yet we struggle with relinquishing our self, possessions, families, and achievements to God.

We must face the truth that “rights mean nothing in the pursuit of Christ” (Jesus-Ministry 2, 3). Entitlements occur in our life when we pick and choose which areas we will obey God. A person walking in entitlements “looks at the cost of following Jesus, and is unwilling to give up certain areas of life to Christ” (Freedom Resource Manual, 69).

Jesus demands that those who follow him give up everything or they cannot go with him. Look at Luke 9:57-62, Jesus meets three different men. The first one tells Jesus that he “will follow you wherever you go” (v. 57) and Jesus’ reply is that the Son of Man has no place to lay his head. Jesus’ first demand is to give up the entitlement of comfort. He was a traveling miracle-worker; he had no guarantee for a hot meal and a comfy bed to come home to at night. The next man Jesus tells, “Follow me.” The man replies, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.” Jesus’ response was not the typical sympathic remark we might have expected. Jesus responds, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.”

The second entitlement we must give up to follow Christ is our time. The Jesus didn’t ask this man to consider following him, he gave a direct command. Jesus gave a similar command when he called his disciples and they left everything and followed him. It’s also interesting to note that Jesus “you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” This man was thinking of his own needs and Jesus was focused on his mission: proclaiming the kingdom of God. When we try to tell God when we will work for him or what times are convenient for us, we are trying to pull the reins of control. When we choose to follow Christ we gave up our right to control when God directs us to work for his purpose. Our time is the Lord’s and our focus should always be for His glory, His kingdom work.

The third man approaches Jesus saying, “I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family” (Lk. 9:61). Jesus replied, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God” (Lk. 9:62). Having no rights before the throne of God is serious business. Jesus is very clear here that if we are holding back, if we put conditions on our following Christ then we are not fit to serve His kingdom. Jesus is calling us unworthy to even serve, to even be lowly for the kingdom of God if we do not give up everything!

The third entitlement we must give up is our service. We must relinquish “picking and choosing whether or not to serve, and the where and how of service” (Jesus-Ministry 2, 75). This man put conditions on his service to God. He had the desire to serve and follow Christ, but he was not yet ready to be extreme for Christ. He was not yet ready to throw everything away to follow Christ. Yes, we must even give up our hold over our family in following Christ. It is a cost some are not willing to give up, but if we don’t then we lose the greatest prize of all—the kingdom of God! When the man uttered that conjunction “but” he was putting limitations of what the Lord could ask of him. Is it too much for the Lord to ask us to leave behind all of our family—our most precious commodity—for Him? Did he not give up his only Son for the least of the world? If God is not entitled to save His very own Son, then we are not entitled to even our family.

This morning I'm battling with some entitlements of my time. Basically, I'm just not feeling like going to work. I'd rather sleep in, read a book, sew, scrapbook, or just sit around. My attitude is just a little blah...not feeling up to much. So, yeah...I know I'll push through it and obviously go to work and do my job, but when I'm like this I just don't care to be there and I don't like that feeling. I've prayed "it's not my time, it's yours Lord," but I can feel my heart is still in that position of me. It's control. So, today I'm relinquishing all to the Lord (it'll probably happen quite a few times), but I'll choose to say, "all of me for the sake of others." If I want to be a servant of Christ, I cannot forsake being a servant of others and what that means is I have to be a servant as Christ was a servant. Having no rights, making myself willingly lowly without excuse and allow others to be better than myself.

Romans 6:7-8, NASB
for he who has died is freed from sin;
Now if we have died with Christ,
we believe that we also shall live with Him.

"The knowledge that Christ and we with him in the likeness of His death, are dead to sin, is indispensable to our sanctification."
Andrew Murray (Like Christ, p. 76)

That indispensable knowledge is what keeps us from being hopeless. We are like Christ in His death: dead to sin.

"This passage is the foundation as well as the key to the possibility of a ‘walk in the Spirit.’"
Lewis Sperry Chafer (He That Is Spiritual, p. 154)

Knowing and understanding our sin dead in our identification with Christ frees us to walk in the Spirit. We no longer have to worry or be apprehensive to wondering and worrying about sinning. Count yourself dead to sin; believe it—because you are! Step out in faith. When Christ sees you He doesn’t see a child bound in sin, but alive and looking to the cross for confidence and assurance of faith. Sin is no longer master, but Christ!

"By faith, the believer reckons (counts) himself ‘dead unto sin’ (Rom. 6:3-14)."
Alexander R. Hay (New Testament Order for Church & Missionary, p. 310)

Our position of identification in being dead to sin is not something to strive for or learn, but only to accept it. Christ already did the work. Our sin, our old self is already dead. We don’t have to crucify ourselves.

"If the difference between ‘Christ dying for us,’ and ‘our dying with Him,’ has not been recognized, acknowledged, and applied, it may safely be affirmed that the self is still the dominating factor in the life."
J. Penn-Lewis (Memoir, p. 26)

When we don’t believe and don’t accept ‘our dying with Him’ we are saying no to the totality of the cross of Christ. We are in essence, and in fact, telling Jesus that His death may have saved us from our past sins and from eternal damnation, but that His death was not full enough to save us from the day to day struggle with sin. Self still rules that life, because pride stands in the way to fully accept Christ’s work for us. It may seem a humble attitude of "No, Lord, that’s too much for me. You’ve already given me so much," or "I can’t do it. The yoke of sin is too tight. Lord, I can’t take it off." Those excuses (which are also lies) spit in the face of our glorious Redeemer, Christ!

He didn’t simply die to save us from punishment for our sins, but He died to save us from death and sin! It is because of His death that sin has no mastery over us! The work on the cross and ‘our dying with Him’ are one in the same. They didn’t happen separately, they coexist. And, we can only truly live free when we accept by faith that Christ’s death paid the penalty for our sins and freed us from the power of sin, since sin is death and death no longer has power over Christ, sin also has no real power in us as believers. Our identification is not something we must strive for, but something we already possess as believers the second Christ is acknowledged as our Lord.

Just had a thought on spiritual warfare:

If you know that someone is going to try to steal from you today, you’re going to be on the offense, right? So should it be with your spiritual warfare.

I’m ready to take ground. I’m tired of merely fighting the strongholds of fear, self-reliance, hopelessness, victimization, and control. I want to live in newness of life, not a constant battle to stay afloat. I want to take back more and more ground that the enemy has stolen. I want to live, operate, walk, and minister in my original design without any doubt or apprehension.

I want to be free from sin! And I want to live in that freedom daily. I want to live in that freedom daily. I want to walk in continued joyful obedience–never tiring of the fight, continually encouraged by the progress. I want to live with hope in the midst, to see everything through the eyes of hope.

I want to see God’s purposes for me to come to fulfillment. Not simply holding out with a despairing hope, but waiting with excitement and seeing the fulfillment coming over the horizon.
I am desperate and I need You, Lord, set Your hope before my eyes and Your continued loving kindness in my heart. I want to be like You.

Romans 6:7, NLT
For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin.

August 31, 2006

I am...

- uniquely designed - open hearted - pleasing to God - deep desire to follow Him - free-spirited - thoughtful - carefree - solid/stability - standing firm - molded for a specific call, a specific ministry since girlhood - wisdom of the ages - wise beyond her years - created to bring joy and fund to those around - joyful - happy-go-lucky - adventuresome - bold - fearless - diligent - bringer of joy - healer - His brightness shines all around you - inner joy - minister of freedom - spreads God’s love like butter on dry toast - sanctified n - a valuable ruby, much refining and precious cutting resulting in a display of God’s beauty for the world to see - open heart - willing spirit - brave - eager for more of God - contentment - peaceful - helpful - humble - tenderness - gentle - God’s prize possession - fun-loving - wisdom beyond her years - smart - "joy of the Lord is in her," this is your strength - servant/servant’s heart - He has made you to be courageous - your hands will be used mightily as a strong, powerful, fierce, woman warrior - joyful - contagious joy - peace - comforter to others - full of the Father’s hope - confident - secure in following God’s desires, ways - this joy comes from her faith and security in Him - faithful - great things in Your name done through her - bold - passionate - tender - marching forward - hard-working - perseverer - strong - suited for war - warrior - advance the good news - mercy - compassion - prayer warrior - woman of truth - servant of the young - playful spirit - peaceful soul - faithful - humble - goes with the flow easily - lover of God - wants to please Him - dancer - worshiper - compassionate toward others - caring - striver of purity - passionate - compassionate - companion - gentle spirit - deep thinker - discerning - loyal - trustworthy - bold and beautiful heart - a large heart so full it’s overflowing with His love and I can’t contain it. It spills over to any I come in contact with and all are being covered with His love. - mentor of women - restorer of women - life giver - tender - compassionate - loving - full of joy - bold and confident - amazed at the things of God - worshiper - "Sound of Music," field of flowers - beautiful free spirit - sun shining on me - a spirit of warmth - compassion - unassuming - reaching up to God for his revelation in your life - desire to be obedient to your "daddy" - confidence - sharing your life with others - fervent prayer - walk in joy - I bring a ray of sunshine & splash of life to others

Unfading Beauty

Grace was in all her steps,

heaven in her eye, in every gesture

dignity and love.

- John Milton

Inner Beauty...it is a gift and it radiates much more than a pretty face. When you stop worrying about your outward appearance, your inner beauty shines through. In the past few months I've felt my inner beauty radiate. You have to let God mold you into what He wants you to be. And as that happens you find you are much more comfortable with yourself and you don't feel as insecure around people. Right now, what God is teaching me about inner beauty is to be strong in Him and to trust in Him because he will take care of you and everything else will fall into place in His will and timing. To just take peace in Him and then His glory and beauty will radiate through you, the closer you get to Him in a relationship.



Summer 2002. Topic: What is God teaching you about inner beauty?, from Fearlessly Feminine by Jani Ortlund).

Yesterday my man made an illustration that is worth noting here. We were talking about waiting. In particular waiting for that time when a certain someone will get down on his knee and ask me to marry him. Since I won't be doing the asking, I have no idea when it will happen. No pressure, of course; it's all in God's timing.

But I do often struggle with the question of "when?." I ask it perhaps too often, to myself, to him...But I want to know. I want to know that it will happen. I want to know when I get to be his wife and he gets to be my husband. I long for that day. I hope for it. I eagerly await its arrival. And so I often ask when it will happen.

We were having this discussion yesterday when he quickly turned the conversation in another direction. He compared the waiting we have before we are married to the waiting we, as the Bride of Christ, have in waiting for Christ our Bridegroom to come and take us away with him to our eternal home. We wait. We want to know when it's going to come. We ask, "Please make it soon!" We desire to see the Lover of our Souls and to be made complete in Him.

This waiting period is an image of the Church eagerly awaiting the marriage of the Son and the Bride. It will happen. We know that, but we don't know when or exactly how...but we know that it will happen. That's what we can put our trust in, the Lord's word to bring us to completion and join us in marriage with His Son and our holy Lover, Christ.

(Funny as he is, my man did jokingly point out that I have a better understanding of what it feels like to wait for marriage though.)

Still reading The Ragamuffin Gospel

"When our inner child is not nurtured and nourished, our minds gradually close to new ideas, unprofitable commitments, and the surprises of the Spirit. Evangelical faith is bartered for cozy, comfortable piety. A failure of nerve and an unwillingness to risk distorts God into a Bookkeeper and the gospel of grace is swapped for the security of religious bondage."

Brennan Manning

Psalm 36:5-11

5 Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens,

your faithfulness to the skies.
6 Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,

your justice like the great deep.

O LORD, you preserve both man and beast.
7 How priceless is your unfailing love!

Both high and low among men

find refuge in the shadow of your wings.
8 They feast on the abundance of your house;

you give them drink from your river of delights.
9 For with you is the fountain of life;

in your light we see light.
10 Continue your love to those who know you,

your righteousness to the upright in heart.
11 May the foot of the proud not come against me,

nor the hand of the wicked drive me away.

A Godly Man

Psalm 112

1Praise the LORD.

Blessed is the man who fears the LORD,

who finds great delight in his commands.
2 His children will be mighty in the land;

the generation of the upright will be blessed.
3 Wealth and riches are in his house,

and his righteousness endures forever.
4 Even in darkness light dawns for the upright,

for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man.
5 Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely,

who conducts his affairs with justice.
6 Surely he will never be shaken;

a righteous man will be remembered forever.
7 He will have no fear of bad news;

his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
8 His heart is secure, he will have no fear;

in the end he will look in triumph on his foes.
9 He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor,

his righteousness endures forever;

his horn will be lifted high in honor.
10 The wicked man will see and be vexed,

he will gnash his teeth and waste away;

the longings of the wicked will come to nothing.

Words from "The Ragamuffin Gospel"

I started reading The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning today, and here's an excerpt and thought I wanted to share:

"Because salvation is by grace through faith, I believe that among the countless number of people standing in front of the throne and in front of the Lamb, dressed in white robes and holding palms in their hands (Revelation 7:9), I shall see the prostitute from the Kit-Kat Ranch in Carson City, Nevada, who tearfully told me she could find no other employment to support her two-year-old son. I shall see the woman who had an abortion and is haunted by guilt and remorse but did the best she could faced with grueling alternatives; the businessman besieged with debt who sold his integrity in a series of desperate transactions; the insecure clergyman addicted to being liked, who never challenged people from the pulpit and longed for unconditional love; the sexually-abused teen, molested by his father and now selling his body on the street, who, as he falls asleep each night after his last 'trick,' whispers the name of an unknown God he learned about in Sunday school; the deathbed convert who for decades had his cake and ate it, broke every law of God and man, wallowed in lust and raped the earth.
"But how?" we ask. Then the voice says, "They have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb."
There they are. There we are---the multitude who so wanted to be faithful, who at times got defeated, soiled by life, and bested by trials, wearing the bloodied garments of life's tribulations, but through it all clung to the faith.
My friends, if this is not good news to you, you have never understood the gospel of grace."
- The Ragamuffin Gospel, Brennan Manning (Ch. 1 - Something is Radically Wrong, p. 32-33)

When reading this I got the sense that people are afraid to see this gospel. They would shutter at the lives of those desparately seeking grace, all the while not realizing their own desparate need for grace. This is the realness of the gospel. Grace is for the dirty.

The Language of God's Word

Lamentations 3:57-58

You drew near when I called on You;

You said, "Do not fear! O Lord,

You have pleaded my soul's cause;

You have redeemed my life.

I was reading this morning in Lamentations 3 and I love the syntax God uses in this passage. The writer is speaking the truth of what he knows about God's goodness and character in neediness knowing that God will provide. I love in verse 58 how he knows God has pleaded his soul's cause. That God has argued and made an emotional appeal for his soul. God is emotional about our souls. Isn't that an awing and humbling fact? And, the Lord has redeemed his life from the lowest pit. The Lord has saved him from sin and error, amended his wrongs; in essence He has bought his freedom. It's beautiful language only made more beautiful knowing that it is truth.

Where has the innocence gone?

Apparently, some executive only saw dollars signs when deciding to make this toy. It's a ridculious idea that a toy company would try to market a carabet group as dolls to 6-year-olds!

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/05/26/business/main1659192.shtml

Proverbs 31:10

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?

She is worth more than precious rubies

I was reading Proverbs 31 on the virtuous woman this morning and before I even finished verse 10 this thought struck me: There are men out there looking for a woman who is virtuous and capable to be his wife.
I know this sounds quite simplistic, but how special it feels to realize when a man has found you--either married you, is pursuing you, or has stated his intentions--he finds you to be a virtuous and capable woman to be his wife.
It's then that the latter part of the verse makes sense, "She is more precious than rubies." How special that woman feels to know she is cherished so.

God gave kids wisdom...

Today on the playground the kids were making ditches to keep them safe from tornadoes (because we're learning about weather this month), and one little girl said the tornado was going to be really bad because it was from Lucifer. I quickly chimed in and reminded her that God's the one who makes the tornadoes. "Oh yeah!" was the answer in reply.

Then a few minutes later I heard the word "Buddha" pop up and for some background clarity all of these children are Chinese. So I was definitely interested to hear how they would talk about Buddha. Then, one little girl--who is quite in tune spiritually--spoke out, "We shouldn't follow Buddha because he is not the truth." Amen! She continued, "Jesus is the truth, and we want to follow him." Woo hoo!

Next a another little girl said, "Yeah, Buddha can't hear us."
When another girl chimed in, "And he doesn't give us food."

Amen!

To anyone who's ever said or thought that children don't understand "spiritual things" let me tell you: there is no Junior Holy Spirit.

(Thanks to Caril and my church for always emphasizing and teaching our children with that point.)

I wish there was a way I could describe you to the world
To share the wonderfulness of you
the man you are to me,
the innate goodness our Creator has bestowed in His mercies
To display it before the world
for all to see and know,
the wonderfulness of my man
his character,
his cause,
his loyalty,
his affection,
his perseverance

You are so much more than I can speak of

My heart is filled.

Five months ago...

There was once a hope, a quiet whisper of longing and waiting. When suddenly and quite unexpectantly, a circle of light [light in the light of love] enthroned the princess, and that once quiet whisper sprang forth from hope to greet her with a gentle kiss. And so, a new journey begins...

Five months ago this started...five months ago today. The time has pasted so quickly, and yet there seems a million memories and growth spurts in between! Five months...some may laugh at that, but we're building and we're investing. We are laying a sure foundation. This journey we are on, my darling, I wouldn't let it go for the world. Sometimes it seems to long, sometimes I don't know what I'm doing. But I'm here with you...living and learning and growing and delighting.

When I read what I wrote five months ago, I smile because that once quiet hope of a whisper is full grown into the reality that we are moving ahead to meet that hope of a life together. And I love it so!

And so, the journey continues.

This is still so true...and I hope it always will...

Radiantly Glowing
12/26/05

Smiles are interesting things, once you get to know them. A true smile, that is. I was watching the princess as she conversed with her valiant warrior, and it seems to me that he is the tool that lights her face. Hmm...it's an interesting thing.

Smiling.

It shows such pleasure, such delight. The eyes begin to sparkle, and you know it's a real smile when the eyes begin to scrunch up and then disappear. The beauty of a smile? When it can't be helped. When the person, like the princess, tries to keep the smile down, but can't as the corners of the lips continue to turn up. It's then that joy radiants and their skin begins to glow...no need of a bronzer. It's all natural.

Can I say just one thing? The princess is under that spell every time she talks to her warrior, every time she sees him or hears his voice. She lights up in a smile that can't be helped.

...the most beautiful kind there is.

Darn those rabbits!

Rabbits ate my sunflower seedlings today. I'm not too happy with them. I started off with nine little seedlings, then four succumbed to either crows or the gardener's weedwacker (the verdict hasn't come in on that one yet) and now I have four half-eaten, nibbled on, and wilted little plants. Oh, and out of all the flowers I planted I wanted my sunflowers to grow the most!

Psalm 128

How blessed is everyone who fears the LORD,

Who walks in His ways.

When you shall eat of the fruit of your hands,

You will be happy and it will be well with you.

Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine

Within your house,

Your children like olive plants

Around your table.

Behold, for thus shall the man be blessed

Who fears the LORD.

The LORD bless you from Zion,

And may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life.

Indeed, may you see your children's children

Peace be upon Israel!

Love is the perfect bond of unity. Can anything exist and survive without love? Is there any existence without love?

Let us love one another, because love is from God ( 1 Jn. 4:7). Through Christ's humility the love of God was manifested in us, in that we live through Him (1 Jn. 4:9). And my dear brethren, we did not love because we knew what love was or how to love, no we love because our Lord sent His Son to die as the sacrifice for the deeds we had done (1 Jn. 4:10). And this is true: if we love one another God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us...it runs its full course into maturity (1 Jn. 4:12). There is no fear in love--no dread or anxieties--but love, the kind that is full-grown, complete, grounded in Christ, turns fear out and expels every trace of terror (1 Jn. 4:18). The idea of fear in love shows that the love who fears is not yet made complete, because fear [in love] has to do with punishment and those who fear in love have not yet reached their full maturity in love (1 Jn. 4:18).

What is love? What is the sacrifice of love? When you give in love do you give in the abundance which you have stored up, (essentially) saving some for yourself? Or do you give everything, even to your last penny that you had to live on? Which is the sacrifice of love? (Mk. 12:41-44)

Is there any greater topic, any greater discussion in the world than that of love? Love that which our Perfect Divine has so graciously blessed us with and given us the faculities to love the same...

Love is refining...it is defining. When we love truest and purest, love covers a multitude of sins (Prov. 10:12). Our Lord delights in love unchanging (Mic. 7:18)...love that is pure, unselfish, giving, a reflection of His very own compassion and ceased anger toward us. He showed this display of love in Christ, and tells us that in the same way, God demonstrated His love for us that while we were sinners Christ died for us (Ro. 5:8), inasmuch greater love has no one than this: to lay down his life for his friend (Jn. 15:13).

Pursue love (1 Cor. 14:11). Above all else, love one another, love the Father, love your neighbor, love yourself, love your wife, love your husband. Feverently love one another out of the purity of your heart (1 Pe. 1:22). If we have not love then our living has sounded like an annoying, useless noisy gong or clanging cymbal (1 Cor. 13:1). So then, put on love.

If you have the gift of prophecy and know the mysteries and knowledge, but no love then it is worthless. If your have faith to move mountains, but no love, then you are nothing. If you give all you have to the poor and offer yourself as a sacrifice, but still no love...then all of that profits you nothing (1 Cor. 13:1-3).

Love is great...beyond great. It is the pinnacle of all living, it is the mark of a full life. Love is beauty, and beauty is truth. And as Keats has said that's all you need and all you need to know. Life is summed up in all its majestic forms and paths in one overused and misunderstood four-letter word: LOVE.

So, take note:
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.


Now take hope with you...

Love never fails.

Know this and know love. Live this and live love.

Love is as strong as death...
many waters cannot quench love, neither can
floods drown it.
Song of Songs 8:6a, 7a

I haven't been writing this week, because I've been reading (woohoo) Where Girls Come First: The Rise, Fall, and Surprising Revival of Girls' Schools. It's a good read so far...very interesting. (the wheels in the brain are turning...hmm...am I envisioning my very own girls' school in my head? Quite possibly. Or at least a secondary girl-based curriculum. Oh, how the brain works!)

My mind has gone ADD today...

I feel like my thoughts have been everywhere today...some good, some not so good...sigh...some carried over from yesterday. Let's see romance, God, the perfect black shoes, raunchy culture...not to mention cooking and sewing.

By the way, I burnt the tips of my fingers melting chocolate. Well...they're not burnt-burnt, but definitely very red. And I still haven't reconciled with my sewing machine who insisted on continuing breaking the thread after I adjusted the tension and rethreaded. It made me think, 'No wonder why people buy their clothes.' Although there is something to say about making/designing your own clothes. It's a finished project you can be proud in. Although...I over did it with all my sewing projects and dug myself into a little hole. So, my fears of failure and the need to strive to show my worth are continually having to be fought. I refuse to return to that place where the walls in my room seem to be pressing into me...ah! the pressure!

And so, a conversation from last night regarding the biblicalness and validity, so to speak of the believers pray (by the way, this is the God thinking just in case you didn't catch that) briefly remained in my mind this morning. Just for those of you who are interested what I mean, here's what I mean: Today's Christian culture has this what we call "believer's prayer," which people pray when they come to Christ. Last Sunday was Easter Sunday and my pastor's nephew gave his testimony, which quite amazingly showed God's grace and desire to restore people to himself. (Even as I'm writing this my mind is going ADD! I just returned from looking for and adding pictures to my photobucket. Aahh!) However, the nephew had come to a climax in this life (thus far) and said he made a deal with God that if God worked out the details of a certain situation then he'd never leave God. Sequently, the Lord worked out the details and the nephew said, "And I've never left him since."
The first thing that popped into my head was, 'But did he pray the prayer!' Don't worry, guys...because right after I realized I thought that I laughed out loud...in my head, of course. Does the Bible ever talk about a believer's prayer? In the Gospels or Epistles? No. When Jesus healed people and said, "your sins are forgiven" did he ever say, "Wait!---first pray this prayer then you're all good." Umm, nope. So where did we get this believer's prayer anyway? Which lead the conversation to James 2:14-20 (and continuing) that talks about faith without works is dead. (I'm now realizing that this thought alone is quite long.) And that if you truly believe something your faith will be manifested in what you do/how you live your life. Which led to question: what about those people that say, "but I've prayed the prayer!" but there is no evidence, no fruit in what they say they believe...they live in the same way they lived without Christ. Ultimately, no human has a say on a person's salvation---thank the Lord!---but all evidence would point to no---that their faith is dead.

Whew! That thought is done...but I'm looking out the window and I do hope that is rains.

So, I'm sure some of you are thinking, 'What the heck did she mean by raunchy culture?' Well...it's actually very interesting. Our [pop] culture is raunchy...very much so, no denying it. There's this book I came across through a few different websites last night, it's called Female Chauvinist Pigs : Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture. All I'm going to say, is what I've read from reviews and pertaining articles is that this book is quite thought-provoking in relation to our culture, which definitely needs redressing. Oh, by the way that author is Ariel Levy, contributing editor of New York magazine. I just came across this, but thought it also might be an intersting read A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue by Wendy Shalit.

On romance...I did receive this lovely haiku today.

And then I had this thought today, 'Would my younger self have liked me now? Would she have liked how I turned out? What would would have happened if I had gone to England to study cinematics? Or became a fashion designer and moved to NY? What if...what if..." Then, I thought if I hadn't been where I have...then I wouldn't be where I am now. And then, I also thought...that none of those things would ever have happened, because God already had everything planned...there is more detail in that thought that I'm not going into now...I was on the phone...

Yesterday

Lines

Lines written at a small distance from my House

and sent me by my little Boy to the

Person to whom they are

addressed

It is the first mild day of March:
Each minute sweeter than before,
The red-breast sings from the tall larch
That stands beside our door.

There is a blessing in the air,
Which seems a sense of joy to yield
To the bare trees, and mountains bare,
And grass in the green field.

My Sister! ('tis a wish of mine)
Now that our morning meal is done,
Make haste, your morning task resign;
Come forth and feel the sun.

Edward will come with you, and pray,
Put on with speed your woodland dress,
And bring no book, for this one day
We'll give to idleness.

No joyless forms shall regulate
Our living Calendar:
We from to-day, my friend, will date
The opening of the year.

Love, now an universal birth,
From heart to heart is stealing,
From earth to man, from man to earth,
--It is the hour of feeling.

One moment now may give us more
Than fifty years of reason;
Our minds shall drink at every pore
The spirit of the season.

Some silent laws our hearts may make,
Which they shall long obey;
We for the year to come may take
Our temper from to-day.

And from the blessed power that rolls
About, below, above;
We'll frame the measure of our souls,
They shall be tuned to love.

Then come, my sister I come, I pray,
With speed put on your woodland dress,
And bring no book; for this one day
We'll give to idleness.

For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.

So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!


We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

2 Corinthians 5:14-17, 20b-21

Thank you...my wonderful man...for letting me cry on your shoulder...

Yesterday, my frustrations overwhelmed me once again...and I wrote, all I have to do is give them to You! But how hard that is at times. Lord, put Your hope in me...
Yesterday, I felt trapped. I realized that everything that had me so frustrated I couldn't get out of, and You were saying that was okay...all these things surrounding me were okay...And I looked up and saw someone who has everything and more that was taken from me and I said, "Why does she get everything?"
And You said what you said to Peter so long ago, "If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow Me!"
Ay...words that are hard to hear, but so necessary. And so, I continue to realize that this is all part of the crucified life. When those men of old wrote about putting to death the flesh...this is what they meant. Galations 2:20, "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me."

Oh, the Wondrous Cross

Bids me come and die,

And find that I may truly live.

This word called hope...

Oh, Lord...my God...you have ordained my days...their unfoldings are in the palm of Your hand...I can see you there...almost smiling at me as I struggle with my uncertainty and battle for hope...You smile, because you know...You know the plans you hold...you know the outcome...You know the worthlessness of my worry as I sit and wonder the time for which these things will come to pass...or even if they will...Lord...you know...my heart...it still longs to know...but down there somewhere is a confident knowledge that you are in control...that your plan holds together in all goodness for me...and those so deeply involved...oh, my emotions are torn...my mind always wandering to this sacred place...this sought after desire...it's almost here...oh! but to hope and wait...aye...such a pain at times...I can feel the burden on my chest...and so, I know...I am to hope in You, seek You...and to wait silently for You to speak...oh, Lord...how I desire this obedience right now! Put it in my heart, my Lord...my God....

Lamentations 3:21-28

21This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. 22The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. 23They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. 24"The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him." 25The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him. 26It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the LORD. 27It is good for a man that he should bear the yoke in his youth. 28Let him sit alone and be silent since He has laid it on him.

~~**~~

Romans 5:2b-5

and we exult in hope of the glory of God.
3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope;
5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

~~**~~

- a friend of a friend of an acquaintance wrote her feelings going through her own experience of this...yes, it lifted my hopes -
"Love, hope, and uncertainty -
To love is to allow hope into your life.To hope is to allow uncertainty into your life.To be uncertain is the essence of learning to trust God to bring only the disappointments He deems best."

I am...

- uniquely designed - open hearted - pleasing to God - deep desire to follow Him - free-spirited - thoughtful - carefree - solid/stability - standing firm - molded for a specific call, a specific ministry since girlhood - wisdom of the ages - wise beyond her years - created to bring joy and fund to those around - joyful - happy-go-lucky - adventuresome - bold - fearless - diligent - bringer of joy - healer - His brightness shines all around you - inner joy - minister of freedom - spreads God’s love like butter on dry toast - sanctified - s3a valuable ruby, much refining and precious cutting resulting in a display of God’s beauty for the world to see - open heart - willing spirit - brave - eager for more of God - contentment - peaceful - helpful - humble - tenderness - gentle - God’s prize possession - fun-loving - wisdom beyond her years - smart - "joy of the Lord is in her," this is your strength - servant/servant’s heart - He has made you to be courageous - your hands will be used mightily as a strong, powerful, fierce, woman warrior - joyful - contagious joy - peace - comforter to others - full of the Father’s hope - confident - secure in following God’s desires, ways - this joy comes from her faith and security in Him - faithful - great things in Your name done through her - bold - passionate - tender - marching forward - hard-working - perseverer - strong - suited for war - warrior - advance the good news - mercy - compassion - prayer warrior - woman of truth - servant of the young - playful spirit - peaceful soul - faithful - humble - goes with the flow easily - lover of God - wants to please Him - dancer - worshiper - compassionate toward others - caring - striver of purity - passionate - compassionate - companion - gentle spirit - deep thinker - discerning - loyal - trustworthy -

Lord, my troubles consume me and my enemies overwhelm me...and I know I have nothing but You...and that is so hard at times...mostly when I’m struggling. My desires oppose me and each other. I struggle because I feel worthless without being able to align myself with some cause or purpose...something that will give me some kind of status in the world’s eye and the church’s eye as well. There’s a lie that says I’m different, that I don’t have enough, or the same things as others...but maybe I’m not...

Maybe you’re just taking me back to my original state...the way You designed me and intended me to be. It seems You just keep stripping and stripping away...and taking and taking everything I had to stand on and everything I thought I was and everything that gave me a position in the world. Maybe that is necessary, Lord. (I think I’m beginning to see that it really is.) Sometimes it feels like You’re doing it out of spite...maybe I was too proud or too consumed with what I could do on my own...or at least that’s how I feel when I think about it sometimes.
But I’m beginning to see that You are stripping away the hindrances...You’re stripping away the things that make me not the creation You designed and the things that make me not like You. It’s simple, really. It’s purifying. Painful. Yes, very painful...but necessary.

There is one thing I seem to always forget: hope. These months and weeks and years of stripping away the filth and the striving and the fears are for a better thing. Honestly, I know that...but it’s so hard to see life in that better place called hope when all I’ve ever been and known (even if it’s not my true state) is slowly being taken away. But hope!
Life my eyes up to the heavens! Where does my help come from? My help comes from You, Maker of Heaven...Creator of the Earth!

Oh, how I need You, Lord...You are my only Hope...You are my only prayer...so I will wait for You to come and rescue me...to come and give me life.

Lord, You are giving me new life...as painful as it is, You’re giving me new life. (Maybe this is what the crucified life is.)

My hope: Christ in me, the hope of glory.

My hope is the promise of new life.

Baby...it's raining outside

I really can't stay - Baby it's raining outside
I've got to go away - Baby it's wet outside
This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're cold as ice

I wish I knew how - Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell - I'll take your coat, your beard looks so swell
I ought to say no, no, no, sir - Mind if I move a little closer
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What's the sense in hurting my pride
I really can't stay - Baby don't hold out Baby it's wet outside

I simply must go - Baby, it's raining outside
The answer is no - Ooh baby, it's cold outside
This welcome has been - I'm lucky that you dropped in
So nice and warm -- Look out the window at that storm

I really can't stay - Baby it's raining outside
I've got to go away - Baby it's cold outside
This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're cold as ice

Hello world! Standing there
Embracing the light of day
"Life is for the living", you say
Leaping
Over oceans so blue

Joyously celebrating
One Life so true
Eternally rooted in praise so sweet

O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?

The other day something made me think of Romeo & Juliet and more not so quite obsession with it in my earlier years, before I knew I was a princess. Obsessed may be too strong of a word, but I was close. Someone could say one line of the play and I could finish the scene. No joke. There were posters and quotes covering my room. I even slept under a canopy that told me my love would some day come. I thought it made me look like Juliet. At least it made me feel that way. I would even do my hair the same way Claire Danes did in Romeo & Juliet, which earned me the nickname Juliet at school. I was proud of it.

I thought the pinnacle of all romance was Romeo and Juliet and Shakespeare. I was sure I would meet love with words of "But soft! What light through yonder window breaks" and a fury of powerful emotions. That the world would spin and moonlight would always remind me of my love. That I might be swept away in a whirlwind of passionate, everlasting romance. To hear the words, "Sin from my lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again" would be the sweetest words. O, the young mind of a girl.

Somewhere along the years, the yearning for a Romeo and Juliet romance weaned. It may had something to do with the fact that I realized that they met, they wooed, they made an exchange of vows, and then they died....all within three days. Hmm...that sounds like a passionate, everlasting romance. Three days dead. That may have done it for me. I desired to spend more than three days with the love of my life. Three days, did they even know each other? They were teenagers speaking passionate words of love and lust fueled by their age and the tyranny of their feuding parents.

It was the unknown. I don’t know about you, but I want to be known by my love. Yes, it would be sweet to hear, "But soft! What light through yonder window breaks" but not at the expense of missing the heart of my lover. How empty it would be to look in his eyes and see my own desire, and not him? What is love but an expression of giving...a lasting covenant...a promise of sharing in life’s joys and sorrows...a fruitful delighting in each other...

...to have that dead in three days just for the exchange of a few sweet words?

Sometimes I forget how special this is...it feels so normal,

but it is special,

isn't it?

He Knew.

God chose you. Before the foundation of the world he set you apart as his chosen one, part of a royal priesthood, a cornerstone, an eternal lineage. He knew you. He knew your most intimate thoughts and longings. Your deepest desires He knew (and he wasn’t afraid). He knew the intricacies of your mind, how you processed things, what you’d delight in. He knew. And in that time–that was actually before time–a longing of the purest kind sprang up inside of him. He loved you to the depths of his soul and beyond. Being the Omnipotent that he is He knew that he would be capable of perfectly filling that role and greater than any dream you could ever conjure up. He knew, because he gave you that dream. He knew he would surpass your greatest expectations, your deepest longing for wholeness, your pursuit of acceptance and the hidden passion for a romance beyond all others. He knew and so he created you. Knowing full and well it would be only through Himself that this could be done. That it’d be only through himself that his would be done. He knew, and only he could do it. He knew.

backlogging - March 17, 2006

March 17, 2006

If this be love—to live far more in you
Than in myself; and when I seek to woo,
Abashed to find no word to urge my suit.
Torn with unequal strife at every breath,
In feeling strong, in speech irresolute:—
from Ronsard’s "If This Be Love"

~* ~~*~~ *~

There are pictures that explain emotions...ideas even, that words cannot describe. Freedom, liberty, the pursuit of a journey, discovery, the dance, beauty and imagination. A state of grace, something mystic. To hear the sound the stars make at night...to hear the song of the stars. How do you explain the sparkle in an eye, the giggle of a child, the depth and texture of a flower’s petals? How can you speak of such things and not become a poet?

the week in Belize

I am an Amazon Woman.

"Between her feet he bowed, he fell, he lay; Between her feet he bowed, he fell; Where he bowed, there he fell dead [...] Thus let all Your enemies perish, O Lord; But let those who love Him be like the rising of the sun in its might (Judges 5:27,31)."

Sit around my fire, for I have stories to tell.

february 5, 2006 - backlogging -

You are so much more than good, Lord
So much more than faithful
My soul leaps within me
Eager to dance for You
To see You, my Beloved
Most High
To look upon Your face
to gaze upon your
beauty & majesty
To dance in Your arms
To be held by You
Longed for by You
Filled, renewed, & satisfied by You
Oh, Lord
for You alone are
the One True God
For You alone are the
All Satisfying Water
For You alone are my
heart’s desire
And I long to be with You

You are my Jehovah El Emeth

My favorite sound in the whole world

Mmhmmm....

This day

Today,
I feel like a princess.

Life is so much more than beautiful,
it's positively sublime.

One for you...

Joyously we sang, though
Over, just across that far hill,
Stood beneath a deafening tree,
Eagerly awaiting our defeat;
Pacing quickly, his head dropped just so
Hatred brewing, mouth foaming

An enemy waiting his defeat
Laughter sang across that hill
Loudly proclaiming the only Truth
Earnestly he stepped, plotting our last breath
Never forsaking what he knew, the frustration grew

Mountains sang in jubliee
Understanding what would be, voices
Echoed with the Truth;
Listening there, he heard his last
Ladies danced as knights drew near
Erupting in their freedom song
Resounding from the hills that day eternally his chains he pays

That when the wicked sprouted up like grass,
And all who did iniquity flourished,
It was only that they might be destroyed
forevermore.

-Psalm 92:7-

Don't operate under what I think
I think I am,
Operate under who He says
I am.
Always live in the Truth.

Hope holds out until even the darkness covers it,
And even then,
it's always looking for that ray of light
to ride in.

Something found...

The Sun also glided over the moon
on that September day
Somewhere between here and now it landed
Dancing through the stars
to meet the face of delight
The Sun also soared
along the coast of Aphrodite's birth
Touching the spray of the ocean's waves
Breathing the coolness of the salty sea
Once more it began
across the expanse
Never wondering where it might end,
Nor looking where it began

What every princess wants to hear

I am a man who will fight for your honor
I'll be the hero you've been dreaming of
We'll live forever
Knowing together that we
Did it all for the glory of love

Just like a knight in shining armor
From a long time ago
Just in time I will save the day
Take you to my castle far away

I am a man who will fight for your honor

Change is possible (or Life Moves, whichever you choose)

I'm so tired of trying to keep on going, when I barely have enough strength

to get me through my next breath. I don't see the point and I'm too tired to care.

I've exhausted myself trying to attain something I'm not quite sure I even want.

What's the point, anyways? It's so mundane and without a point.

I have no enthusiasm for it anymore. I'm so close to quitting and giving up.

It means absolutely nothing to me right now.

I'm just so tired.

I miss life...I miss...

-November 1, 2003-

This is where I want to be again...

- Intoxicating You are to me - Illuminating You are to see - Truly breathtaking You are to breathe - Sending my head spinning You are, You see - And I've lost my mind, I'm sure to find - Need to apologize for my lack of inhibition, for my belligerent condition - But with You this near I'm dizzy - Inebriating You are to me - Completely captivating You are to see - Sending my world spinning You are, You see - And now I find a blurry line here between You and I - Raise the cup, drink 'til I'm full - Sing 'til I can't, 'til my voice is gone - And my head is spinning - A illuminating You are to see - Truly breathtaking You are to breathe - Sending my head spinning You are, You see - And now I find a blurry line here between you and I - Raise the cup, drink 'til I'm full - Sing 'til I can't, 'til my voice is gone - And my head is spinning dizzy - If I'm out of my mind it's You, You - 'Cause I'm crazy in love with You, You - Inebriated by You, You - 'Cause I'm head over heels with You, You -

-David Crowder-

An intimate reflection

Sadly, the eyes are closing
the feeling of something lost has come
The mask is discarded,
the beauty remains.
Purity in the marred?
Hope in the muddy defeat?
'O, save me now!' she cries.

Her pain echoes throughout her presence
radiating off walls and trees, I can feel it in my chest;
'Someone, please' is all her eyes can say,
and she smiles
knowing...
knowing that she is lost and craves
what she says she hates and doesn't need

Oh, my child, how I cry for you
knowing that your soul is so precious
knowing that your smile is pained
knowing that you, too scared to cry out,
are looking for the hands to save you
Remove the dark circles 'round your eyes
You're beautiful, let someone see you

You are the blooming one;
your name designates it so
One day, I pray, you will let go of what entangles you
to open your arms
And I pray that when your rescuer comes
you will only let him in
Open you petals and delight to live.

Oh, the sweetness of time gone by.

The beauty of simply sitting in your presence. Even if it is only whatever, sweet it is still and I would do it a thousand times more just so I could say I know you.

Yes, a young princess am I, but not so young to not know the touch of you, the sweetest desire of my heart. Oh, you make my joy complete! You touch the depths of my soul and I am changed. My heart is yours forevermore. There's no returning it, you hold it in piece.

Oh my valiant prince! You are so much more than valiant, you are all conquering, ever-saving, and the only one to deliver me. You are my strong tower, my refuge, and my deliverer. It is you that my hand trusts to steady me.

Oh my prince, my lord, my heart burns for you wishing to see you yet again, though we only left moments ago.