Sometimes I forget how special this is...it feels so normal,

but it is special,

isn't it?

He Knew.

God chose you. Before the foundation of the world he set you apart as his chosen one, part of a royal priesthood, a cornerstone, an eternal lineage. He knew you. He knew your most intimate thoughts and longings. Your deepest desires He knew (and he wasn’t afraid). He knew the intricacies of your mind, how you processed things, what you’d delight in. He knew. And in that time–that was actually before time–a longing of the purest kind sprang up inside of him. He loved you to the depths of his soul and beyond. Being the Omnipotent that he is He knew that he would be capable of perfectly filling that role and greater than any dream you could ever conjure up. He knew, because he gave you that dream. He knew he would surpass your greatest expectations, your deepest longing for wholeness, your pursuit of acceptance and the hidden passion for a romance beyond all others. He knew and so he created you. Knowing full and well it would be only through Himself that this could be done. That it’d be only through himself that his would be done. He knew, and only he could do it. He knew.

backlogging - March 17, 2006

March 17, 2006

If this be love—to live far more in you
Than in myself; and when I seek to woo,
Abashed to find no word to urge my suit.
Torn with unequal strife at every breath,
In feeling strong, in speech irresolute:—
from Ronsard’s "If This Be Love"

~* ~~*~~ *~

There are pictures that explain emotions...ideas even, that words cannot describe. Freedom, liberty, the pursuit of a journey, discovery, the dance, beauty and imagination. A state of grace, something mystic. To hear the sound the stars make at night...to hear the song of the stars. How do you explain the sparkle in an eye, the giggle of a child, the depth and texture of a flower’s petals? How can you speak of such things and not become a poet?

the week in Belize

I am an Amazon Woman.

"Between her feet he bowed, he fell, he lay; Between her feet he bowed, he fell; Where he bowed, there he fell dead [...] Thus let all Your enemies perish, O Lord; But let those who love Him be like the rising of the sun in its might (Judges 5:27,31)."

Sit around my fire, for I have stories to tell.

february 5, 2006 - backlogging -

You are so much more than good, Lord
So much more than faithful
My soul leaps within me
Eager to dance for You
To see You, my Beloved
Most High
To look upon Your face
to gaze upon your
beauty & majesty
To dance in Your arms
To be held by You
Longed for by You
Filled, renewed, & satisfied by You
Oh, Lord
for You alone are
the One True God
For You alone are the
All Satisfying Water
For You alone are my
heart’s desire
And I long to be with You

You are my Jehovah El Emeth

My favorite sound in the whole world

Mmhmmm....

This day

Today,
I feel like a princess.

Life is so much more than beautiful,
it's positively sublime.

One for you...

Joyously we sang, though
Over, just across that far hill,
Stood beneath a deafening tree,
Eagerly awaiting our defeat;
Pacing quickly, his head dropped just so
Hatred brewing, mouth foaming

An enemy waiting his defeat
Laughter sang across that hill
Loudly proclaiming the only Truth
Earnestly he stepped, plotting our last breath
Never forsaking what he knew, the frustration grew

Mountains sang in jubliee
Understanding what would be, voices
Echoed with the Truth;
Listening there, he heard his last
Ladies danced as knights drew near
Erupting in their freedom song
Resounding from the hills that day eternally his chains he pays

That when the wicked sprouted up like grass,
And all who did iniquity flourished,
It was only that they might be destroyed
forevermore.

-Psalm 92:7-

Don't operate under what I think
I think I am,
Operate under who He says
I am.
Always live in the Truth.

Hope holds out until even the darkness covers it,
And even then,
it's always looking for that ray of light
to ride in.

Something found...

The Sun also glided over the moon
on that September day
Somewhere between here and now it landed
Dancing through the stars
to meet the face of delight
The Sun also soared
along the coast of Aphrodite's birth
Touching the spray of the ocean's waves
Breathing the coolness of the salty sea
Once more it began
across the expanse
Never wondering where it might end,
Nor looking where it began

What every princess wants to hear

I am a man who will fight for your honor
I'll be the hero you've been dreaming of
We'll live forever
Knowing together that we
Did it all for the glory of love

Just like a knight in shining armor
From a long time ago
Just in time I will save the day
Take you to my castle far away

I am a man who will fight for your honor

Change is possible (or Life Moves, whichever you choose)

I'm so tired of trying to keep on going, when I barely have enough strength

to get me through my next breath. I don't see the point and I'm too tired to care.

I've exhausted myself trying to attain something I'm not quite sure I even want.

What's the point, anyways? It's so mundane and without a point.

I have no enthusiasm for it anymore. I'm so close to quitting and giving up.

It means absolutely nothing to me right now.

I'm just so tired.

I miss life...I miss...

-November 1, 2003-

This is where I want to be again...

- Intoxicating You are to me - Illuminating You are to see - Truly breathtaking You are to breathe - Sending my head spinning You are, You see - And I've lost my mind, I'm sure to find - Need to apologize for my lack of inhibition, for my belligerent condition - But with You this near I'm dizzy - Inebriating You are to me - Completely captivating You are to see - Sending my world spinning You are, You see - And now I find a blurry line here between You and I - Raise the cup, drink 'til I'm full - Sing 'til I can't, 'til my voice is gone - And my head is spinning - A illuminating You are to see - Truly breathtaking You are to breathe - Sending my head spinning You are, You see - And now I find a blurry line here between you and I - Raise the cup, drink 'til I'm full - Sing 'til I can't, 'til my voice is gone - And my head is spinning dizzy - If I'm out of my mind it's You, You - 'Cause I'm crazy in love with You, You - Inebriated by You, You - 'Cause I'm head over heels with You, You -

-David Crowder-

An intimate reflection

Sadly, the eyes are closing
the feeling of something lost has come
The mask is discarded,
the beauty remains.
Purity in the marred?
Hope in the muddy defeat?
'O, save me now!' she cries.

Her pain echoes throughout her presence
radiating off walls and trees, I can feel it in my chest;
'Someone, please' is all her eyes can say,
and she smiles
knowing...
knowing that she is lost and craves
what she says she hates and doesn't need

Oh, my child, how I cry for you
knowing that your soul is so precious
knowing that your smile is pained
knowing that you, too scared to cry out,
are looking for the hands to save you
Remove the dark circles 'round your eyes
You're beautiful, let someone see you

You are the blooming one;
your name designates it so
One day, I pray, you will let go of what entangles you
to open your arms
And I pray that when your rescuer comes
you will only let him in
Open you petals and delight to live.

Oh, the sweetness of time gone by.

The beauty of simply sitting in your presence. Even if it is only whatever, sweet it is still and I would do it a thousand times more just so I could say I know you.

Yes, a young princess am I, but not so young to not know the touch of you, the sweetest desire of my heart. Oh, you make my joy complete! You touch the depths of my soul and I am changed. My heart is yours forevermore. There's no returning it, you hold it in piece.

Oh my valiant prince! You are so much more than valiant, you are all conquering, ever-saving, and the only one to deliver me. You are my strong tower, my refuge, and my deliverer. It is you that my hand trusts to steady me.

Oh my prince, my lord, my heart burns for you wishing to see you yet again, though we only left moments ago.

Radiantly Glowing

Smiles are interesting things, once you get to know them. A true smile, that is. I was watching the princess as she conversed with her valiant warrior, and it seems to me that he is the tool that lights her face. Hmm...it's an interesting thing.

Smiling.

It shows such pleasure, such delight. The eyes begin to sparkle, and you know it's a real smile when the eyes begin to scrunch up and then disappear. The beauty of a smile? When it can't be helped. When the person, like the princess, tries to keep the smile down, but can't as the corners of the lips continue to turn up. It's then that joy radiants and their skin begins to glow...no need of a bronzer. It's all natural.

Can I say just one thing? The princess is under that spell every time she talks to her warrior, every time she sees him or hears his voice. She lights up in a smile that can't be helped.

...the most beautiful kind there is.

She is the princess

Her eyes lashes are as fine as feathers, lifting her gaze higher
Her eyes the shape of a doe's, wide-opened and graceful; keeping a secret in their gaze
Her cheeks rise high, shining radiant in the light
She is a majestic creature
Her hair falls down past her shoulders in all fullness with columns of curls arresting in the warmest hues of brown

She is radiant.

Ella es la princessa.